Kolus: Unsolved

Does the Kolus Have a Secret Issue?

Matthew Wilcox, Staff Reporter

The Kolus, Shorewood’s most beloved news staple (take that, Potty Talk) read by literally everybody in the student body, is rumored to have a secret online issue, although sources are providing conflicting reports on its digital availability. “No, they totally have an April issue up. It’s on their website,” said one Arjun Thomas, a student at Shorewood who claims to know so much about the Kolus due to the fact that he “literally works for the paper.” However, Thomas’ statement was refuted by local senior Brock Omaba, who said “Yeah, I don’t think they have an online issue. Why would the Kolus even have a website? Nobody’s going to read anything on a high school newspaper’s website.”

Rumors of the Kolus’ secret online issue first emerged when an eagle-eyed reader deciphered a secret code on the games page of the Kolus that translated to “The Kolus will have an online issue in April.” After this message was discovered, the school was abuzz for nearly two weeks, with students frantically searching for more messages regarding the April issue. The quest for clues in the Kolus became so rampant that teachers had to ban the newspaper from entering their classrooms in an effort to get students to pay attention to lessons instead of reading the newspaper over and over again. When sophomore Robert West found a message in an old 2005 issue of the Kolus saying “The Kolus will be online in the spring of 2018,” newfound excitement brought along new questions regarding the April issue: How long had the Kolus been planning an April issue? Was it all a big joke? Did the Kolus even have a website?

While the paper’s April issue hasn’t yet come out, many remain hopeful that Shorewood’s favorite publication will pull through with this 2005 prophesy.


Any updates regarding this article will be published on www.thekolus.com as part of the paper’s online April issue.