Grammar: Ain’t it a Pain?

Students protest rules of unjust English lexicon

Kaira Tamura, Staff Reporter

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Last week, hundreds of students ranging from middle school all the way through high school gathered to lobby for something they say has been a long time coming: a complete revamp of the English language.


Their argument is that society puts too much focus on conventions and spelling, while completely disregarding text slang as a legitimate part of the English language.

“It’s time to stop focusing so much on overrated concepts like correct punctuation and spelling,” eighth-grader Caillou said.

“Spelling and grammar don’t mean anything,” Sylvester, a high school senior, added. “No one ever pays any attention to it unless they have to. But everyone uses text slang these days. Ten years from now, no one’s even going to know how to use punctuation marks, or know the difference between basic homonyms, or know how to spell basic words. But they will know what “lol”, “fml” and “srsly” mean, so we need to be prepared for when that day comes.”


So what is their plan for revamping the English language? According to them, the first step is a ritual burning of all dictionaries and thesauruses. The next step after this, they said, is to create a new dictionary from scratch. This new dictionary will contain definitions of basic text slang that they swear will be vital to our ability to communicate with one another in the future.


Several teachers were also asked what they thought of the students’ plans, and all of them expressed their heartfelt support. Said Mr. Patois, an AP English teacher, “This has been a long time coming. Society’s expectations of what the English language should be have been far too high for too long, and it’s great to see these kids planning for its devolution that should have happened long ago.”

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